Pursuit of Excellence

This is a story of an individual whose life has been shaped by the desire to follow his dreams and heart and this odyssey into his life gives us an opportunity to know this real life 'Rancho' whose support from '3 idiots' and Amir has forever changed the course of his life and has inspired many more.

"It would be only unfair to say that anyone could milk a cow for milking cow is not just a work of art but is of, as well, passion, diligence and sacrificial emotions". The motto of "moo- lets milk cows", the milking company owned by Gajodhar Ramhilawan whose dedication and pursuit of excellence started 10 years ago in a remote village of Bihar, Bailganj.

Born to Ramhilawan Pyarelal and Kalavati in poverty, Gajodhar was the only son of milkman Ramhilawan . Ramhilawan was an ambitious person but little could he do with his own life and now he wanted to see all his dreams come true through his son. He would go miles delivering milk just to facilitate good education to Gajodhar. He wanted him to go to IITs and one day work for NASA since, apparently according him, NASA was run by Indians.

But Gajodhar was born different(not gay). He had a different eye for the cows than his father had. As a kid he had spent more time playing with calves and cows than with other kids and as he grew up it became apparent that he had no inclination whatsoever toward education. There would be frequent arguments between him and his father.

(Its hard to conceive that they are conversing in English but bear with me, its funnier this way)

Gajodhar would say "But dad you don't give its due importance to the respectable profession of milkman"

His father would say "My ass respectable profession. You think I like it?.. I do it only for you so that you can one day work for NASA. I hate milking cows and even when I try so hard I can hardly manage anything. These cows just dont give enough milk.. as if they are holding back. But I and your mom still manage .. just for you.. and you find no interest in studying"

Gajodhar would say "You have got it all wrong dad. It is love that the cows want. To milk a cow is not a mechanical thing as much as it is sentimental. You need to put emotions in it.. you need to understand them and then you will see the beauty of milking. It is like making love dad.. not like having sex.. you need to understand and grasp the art of milking and not just go by books as rest of my friends do in school"

Eventually Ramhilawan had given up on Gajodhar and Gajodhar had started doing his wonders in the barn. With his touch, love and gentle milking the milk produce has increased more than ever and now his dad had no way to complain although he was entirely bitter about it for he had seen his dreams come true through him.

Right around this time when Amir Khan was just roaming around in random places for the publicity of his movie '3 idiots', he came to Bailganj. It was Gajodhar's lucky day. Although in a small village of Bailganj none had heard of '3 idiots' or its story, his interaction with Ramhilawan turned out to be a boon for Gajodhar.

Ramhilawan told Amir "Sirji, talk some sense into my son. He doesnt want to study at all and he says that all he wants to do is to milk cows. Now you tell me have you ever heard of someone who wants to spend rest of his life milking cows"

Amir replied "Dekhiye, this is what I have tried to address in my next film. Pursue excellence. Maybe he will be a very bad engineer and never work for NASA but if you let him milk cows he may one day 'doodh ki nadiyaan bahayega'"

Ramhilawan got angry and shouted "sathiya gayan ho aap. Kaun sasura aapko filmo me rakhata hai"

But after much arguments Ramhilawan gave up, once again, and Gajodhar took over his dad's business. But all he was interested in was milking cows and soon his pursuit of excellence in 'how to milk the cows' got him fame. Now everybody in the village or even the near by villages wanted Gajodhar to milk their cows. It would be safe to say that by the tender age of 18, there weren't any cows, in the vicinity of 100kms, that he hadn't milked. Sometimes he would milk two cows simultaneously and yet none would get jealous. He had mastered the art of cow-milking. And thus was started his servicing conglomeration of milking cows, "moo- let's milk cows". Cows in his barn were as healthy as a hippo and the barn grew everyday.

Soon his fame became nationwide and he had been invited to places to educate people about "milking cows". He started offering a course on the same... "cow-milking 101". It was established on very simple principles:

"
Name your cow

Buy her cow jeweleries from time to time

Talk to her while milking her

Be gentle while milking, don't be rough.

And talk to her after milking
"

Inspired by this real life story Ram Gopal Verma, known for making eccentric movies, has decided to make a movie on Gajodhar's life "What cows want" along the lines of a similar movie starring Mel Gibson.

Although unfortunately we were not able to secure any time slot, for our interview, from his busy cow-milking schedule, Gajodhar did reply to our email, expressing his gratitude to '3 idiots'. "If it were not Amir and '3 idiots' very few cows would be happy today".

[PS: No offense meant and if feelings are hurt by the post above I apologize]

Dr. Rajnikanth... PhD

Summary:
In this heart throbbing, jaw dropping and bowels moving flick, all almighty Rajni embarks on a different course to save the world. Deserting the path of "violence" he decides to hold back on his physical prowess and employs his intellectual prowess to lift the world out of the swamp of unsolved problems. He is "the beautiful mind" of India in this "written-by-a-bunch-of-doped-up-writers" drama... Dr. Rajnikanth....PhD.

The Plot:

[Scene of qualifying exam]

Rajni's back is facing the committee as he explains away his solution.

Rajni: "...yend my solution has..."

Committee Member (CM) 1: "But how is it possible? The problem is NP-hard"

CM 2: "People have worked on this for years. Even the best of the best haven't found any polynomial time solution"

Upon hearing this, Rajni swings a look back at the committee and takes off his dark goggles in his signature style and flicks it away towards the ceiling. It doesnt come back. Committee members are speechless.

Rajni: "YenP hard... machaa?.. nothing is hard for Rajni. Rajni can do yenything and yevery thing..."

Silence ensues as committee members are still astounded as the flicked away goggles is stuck in the midair defying gravity. Like regaining consciousness from coma one of the committee member awakens to break the silence.

CM 3: "Who the hell is Rajni?"

Outside CM: "He is addressing himself as a third person"

Rest of the CMs: "oh"

CM 1: "But nobody has yet been able to solve this problem"

Rajni: "Yam not nobody..yam Rajni"

To the surprise of committee members once again, out of nowhere, sounds of drums and whistles fill the air as the midair stuck goggle finally drop into Rajni's hand and continue its journey to its final destination in Rajni's style. Rajni's hands raised. Sounds stop. One committee member faints.

CM 4: "What is the time complexity of your algorithm".

Rajni flicks the finger. Slide changes.

Rajni: "Yit is...yorder of one".

Another committee member faints.

CM 2: "How can you solve an NP-hard problem with an algorithm that runs in a constant time. This is insane. We must see your proof of optimality".

Rajni: "Rajni doesnt prove yenything.. proof proves yitself".

Equations starts appearing on the screen proving the optimality. Rest of the committee members faint.

And thus Rajni passes his qualifying exam a day after he joined the PhD program at USC. Needless to say he was exempted from the screening exam. Having worked "hard" for a day and having passed the qualifying exam Rajni decides to take the rest of the day off, to chill. Completely dazzled by his charm the department secretary, the blondie, decides to take the rest of the day off as well and agrees to run around trees and sing. As Rajni is dropping her off at her place after the drinks she decides to invite him over for coffee. Up in the apartment, awed by his personality, the secretary lays a kiss on his 'thick mustache' topped lips. (Warning: The next sentence may gross you out. Precaution is advised) Things get hot and heavy as the taste of spicy sambhar in Rajni's mustache turns her on.... (Fill in the rest with your imagination ;) )

After the heavy night, to avoid the embarrassing morning, Rajni sneaks away in the middle of the night. But the fate had something else in the box for Rajni. As he is passing through the dark corners of USC neighborhood on the way to his house, shared with six other desis, a mugger jumps out of nowhere and brandishes a gun demanding for money. Rajni smirks as the sounds of laughter appear out of nowhere scaring the shit out of the mugger. Under the nervousness the mugger fires. The bullet wheezes through air towards Rajni. Gets close to Rajni and stops there for a fraction of a second as if thinking whether to attempt to trespass the territory that has never been violated by any bullet. Unexpected (not really) thing happens. Bullet finds its way back into the gun. But having decided to desert the use of physical prowess in the favor of intellectual prowess, and hence PhD, Rajni decides to tackle the matter differently altogether. He gets the mugger on the side and explains him the proof of his solution he worked on for his quals. Mugger dies. Rajni's eyes shine with glitter as if he has found something new.

Next morning: 30 "registered" muggers found dead in unexplainable mysterious circumstances.

Having found the cause of those mysterious deaths and menaced by Rajni local gang members decide to take the matters in their own hands (As if "kaanoon (law)" is going to help them). Gangsters kidnap the blondie on the day of Rajni's defense. His fourth day at school.

Only a few daring and challenge loving profs have agreed to serve on Rajni's defense committee, having his reputation preceding him, by now. Learning from the qual experiences paramedics are present in the room, just in case. So are the priests.... just in case. As Rajni proceeds with his defense and is midway through it and by when one of the committee member is already carried away to ICU, an emergency call comes for Rajni. Its the gang members seeking revenge. He runs to save her, leaving his defense midway. His defense defends itself. As a result the rest of the committee members join their retired colleague.

At the gang house the gangsters are using sound proof earmuffs to avoid listening to Rajni's arguments and succumbing to death. Having denounced the physical prowess Rajni finds himself in a dilemma. Looks around to find a piece of paper and pencil but none is available ('smart' gang members). He takes away AK-47 from one of the guys and starts firing equations in the wall, yielding a final equation for the frequency of the modulating signal that will cancel itself as it passes through the earmuffs forcing the gang members to listen to the proof of his solution, his sole weapon of the mass killing of gang members. (Pardon the technical inaccuracy). Needless to say they die.

Blondie is saved and is wrapped around in Rajni's arms. Rajni graduates the next day. With the fastest PhD ever he becomes Dr. Rajnikanth..PhD. Nine months later, little Rajni, the prodigy appears. The sequel is on its way.