Sound of Rain

Amidst the pouring rain and
The soaked clay's essence
Lay there those two wooden chairs like a
couple lost in each others' presence

Drenched were those orchid leaves
In the passionate love,
Of the frenzied amorous rain
Pouring from the clouds above

Closed were my eyes listening
To the melody of this tryst
Of the falling rain droplets meeting
the weaving and fluttering leaves

Reminding was the nature us,
Of its secrets arcane
As it filled our mundane existence
With the sound of rain

Dr. Rajnikanth... PhD

Summary:
In this heart throbbing, jaw dropping and bowels moving flick, all almighty Rajni embarks on a different course to save the world. Deserting the path of "violence" he decides to hold back on his physical prowess and employs his intellectual prowess to lift the world out of the swamp of unsolved problems. He is "the beautiful mind" of India in this "written-by-a-bunch-of-doped-up-writers" drama... Dr. Rajnikanth....PhD.

The Plot:

[Scene of qualifying exam]

Rajni's back is facing the committee as he explains away his solution.

Rajni: "...yend my solution has..."

Committee Member (CM) 1: "But how is it possible? The problem is NP-hard"

CM 2: "People have worked on this for years. Even the best of the best haven't found any polynomial time solution"

Upon hearing this, Rajni swings a look back at the committee and takes off his dark goggles in his signature style and flicks it away towards the ceiling. It doesnt come back. Committee members are speechless.

Rajni: "YenP hard... machaa?.. nothing is hard for Rajni. Rajni can do yenything and yevery thing..."

Silence ensues as committee members are still astounded as the flicked away goggles is stuck in the midair defying gravity. Like regaining consciousness from coma one of the committee member awakens to break the silence.

CM 3: "Who the hell is Rajni?"

Outside CM: "He is addressing himself as a third person"

Rest of the CMs: "oh"

CM 1: "But nobody has yet been able to solve this problem"

Rajni: "Yam not nobody..yam Rajni"

To the surprise of committee members once again, out of nowhere, sounds of drums and whistles fill the air as the midair stuck goggle finally drop into Rajni's hand and continue its journey to its final destination in Rajni's style. Rajni's hands raised. Sounds stop. One committee member faints.

CM 4: "What is the time complexity of your algorithm".

Rajni flicks the finger. Slide changes.

Rajni: "Yit is...yorder of one".

Another committee member faints.

CM 2: "How can you solve an NP-hard problem with an algorithm that runs in a constant time. This is insane. We must see your proof of optimality".

Rajni: "Rajni doesnt prove yenything.. proof proves yitself".

Equations starts appearing on the screen proving the optimality. Rest of the committee members faint.

And thus Rajni passes his qualifying exam a day after he joined the PhD program at USC. Needless to say he was exempted from the screening exam. Having worked "hard" for a day and having passed the qualifying exam Rajni decides to take the rest of the day off, to chill. Completely dazzled by his charm the department secretary, the blondie, decides to take the rest of the day off as well and agrees to run around trees and sing. As Rajni is dropping her off at her place after the drinks she decides to invite him over for coffee. Up in the apartment, awed by his personality, the secretary lays a kiss on his 'thick mustache' topped lips. (Warning: The next sentence may gross you out. Precaution is advised) Things get hot and heavy as the taste of spicy sambhar in Rajni's mustache turns her on.... (Fill in the rest with your imagination ;) )

After the heavy night, to avoid the embarrassing morning, Rajni sneaks away in the middle of the night. But the fate had something else in the box for Rajni. As he is passing through the dark corners of USC neighborhood on the way to his house, shared with six other desis, a mugger jumps out of nowhere and brandishes a gun demanding for money. Rajni smirks as the sounds of laughter appear out of nowhere scaring the shit out of the mugger. Under the nervousness the mugger fires. The bullet wheezes through air towards Rajni. Gets close to Rajni and stops there for a fraction of a second as if thinking whether to attempt to trespass the territory that has never been violated by any bullet. Unexpected (not really) thing happens. Bullet finds its way back into the gun. But having decided to desert the use of physical prowess in the favor of intellectual prowess, and hence PhD, Rajni decides to tackle the matter differently altogether. He gets the mugger on the side and explains him the proof of his solution he worked on for his quals. Mugger dies. Rajni's eyes shine with glitter as if he has found something new.

Next morning: 30 "registered" muggers found dead in unexplainable mysterious circumstances.

Having found the cause of those mysterious deaths and menaced by Rajni local gang members decide to take the matters in their own hands (As if "kaanoon (law)" is going to help them). Gangsters kidnap the blondie on the day of Rajni's defense. His fourth day at school.

Only a few daring and challenge loving profs have agreed to serve on Rajni's defense committee, having his reputation preceding him, by now. Learning from the qual experiences paramedics are present in the room, just in case. So are the priests.... just in case. As Rajni proceeds with his defense and is midway through it and by when one of the committee member is already carried away to ICU, an emergency call comes for Rajni. Its the gang members seeking revenge. He runs to save her, leaving his defense midway. His defense defends itself. As a result the rest of the committee members join their retired colleague.

At the gang house the gangsters are using sound proof earmuffs to avoid listening to Rajni's arguments and succumbing to death. Having denounced the physical prowess Rajni finds himself in a dilemma. Looks around to find a piece of paper and pencil but none is available ('smart' gang members). He takes away AK-47 from one of the guys and starts firing equations in the wall, yielding a final equation for the frequency of the modulating signal that will cancel itself as it passes through the earmuffs forcing the gang members to listen to the proof of his solution, his sole weapon of the mass killing of gang members. (Pardon the technical inaccuracy). Needless to say they die.

Blondie is saved and is wrapped around in Rajni's arms. Rajni graduates the next day. With the fastest PhD ever he becomes Dr. Rajnikanth..PhD. Nine months later, little Rajni, the prodigy appears. The sequel is on its way.

Lingering words

Entangled my thoughts were
In your heaving curly hair
With the fragrance captivating
Of emancipation they don't dare

Though eager to capture your beauty
Were my mundane words
Lingered there they with a sigh
As you vanished in the herd

Melodrama and Poignancy: Outsourcing The Emotional Communication

Versatility is an attribute that, in my opinion, will hardly ever be associated with SRK. Although some of the performances in the beginning of his career can be deceptive and may make one believe in his acting talent. On the second thoughts it may well be the case that he is a versatile actor but to bank on the exploitation of emotions, which he is good at, is the choice he has made to clench the dreams he had come with to Mumbai. In the words of one of my good friend "he has very good business acumen". And indeed he has. To cry is his forte and the realization has made him the Bollywood king. His character more often than not and the ones that are likely to be hit require him to take a seemingly ordinary scenario and fill it with piercingly poignant emotions.

For example a departure scene at an airport with the protagonist leaving for "Amrica" to pursue a career can be made so melodramatic, in the presence of SRK with eyes moist from the pain of departure from family, friends and seemingly distant relatives, that the viewer could be left in the state of such exalted emotions that _if_ there was a flight waiting outside to take him or her back "home" then he or she would just jump in only to realize later in the mid-way, as the senses come back, that could only be best expressed by "what the...". Even more stereotypical scenario where the protagonist realizes that the girl (or a guy?) he is in love with loves someone else and he must sacrifice his love for the love of his life. And here comes SRK and what words cannot express his eyes will. No statutory warning is provided beforehand, but witnessing such a scene can leave one with such sacrificial emotions and such, if one really is insane, belief that the true love is complete only with sacrifice. In the state of such hypnosis with sacrificial emotions running through one's veins one may actually go to one's girlfriend and say "Jaao jilo apani zindagi paalo apana pyaar" (Go live your life and get the love your life). Obfuscated by the outburst of such god-knows-what may leave the girlfriend in the state that can only be described, again, by "what the...". (Although note that, for the stereotypical scene of SRK, there was no real sacrifice made since he never had the love of his life in the first place)

Despite of all these he is the beloved king of Bollywood since we, as Indians (forgive my generalization), love to go through the emotional roller coaster. And it sells well. That is why anytime a producer or a director, most likely Johars or Chopras, need a crying man they know where or rather who to look for. Although not entirely accurate it sounds a lot like the character of a 'rudaali'. (The title 'rudaali' is a reference to a custom in certain areas of Rajasthan where women of a lower caste are hired as professional mourners upon the death of upper-caste males. Their job is to publicly express grief of family members who are not permitted to display emotion due to social status. Source: Wiki) Such is the idea of outsourcing the lamentation that it makes me wonder if people who are really rich but seemingly incapable of expressing emotions were to hire SRK for the job then it could perhaps make him more money than those movies.

In fact, given that India has almost become a synonym for outsourcing, an outsourcing enterprise can be established that expresses emotions on your behalf.

"Abhivyakti: Express your emotions in Indian accent.. call us at 1-800-XPRS-URSELF. We do all kind of emotions: dejection, joy, anger, gratitude, love and of course lust.

Testimony from our celebrity clients.

'No one could understand what I wanted to say, but these guys have changed my life.
Now anytime I get in fight with my wife I call them and give the phone to my wife'
- Sylvester Stallone

'People of California used to make fun my accent before as they couldn't understand me or my
expressions and as if my accents were funny.. hi haay... But now.. well now they make fun of
"my" Indian accent ... hi haay.. I am a funny guy.. hi haay'
- In Austrian accent governor schwarzenegger

And not to mention our life time member Arjun Rampal. In his own words
'Before I was like a chair you know, didnt know how to show my feelings you know,
but abhivyakit has changed my life. They are ... err... I dont even know how
to express my gratitude for Abhivyakti.. hold on let me call 1-800-XPRS-URSELF'.

Call us now and with love express lust for free."

Of course, there will human right activists who will abhor the idea and will cite that the expression of one's emotions is an intimate thing and no one shall be allowed to hire someone else to express emotions on one's behalf. That , according to them, will be the gross viloation of human right of 'expressing yourself'. Of course ignoring the fact that the one in question is not capable of expressing one's self and by not allowing such an enterprise to exist, indirectly, you are denying the one the right to choose, the right to choose someone to express the one's self on one's behalf. And there will be a story of a victim of such an enterprise.

"Mr. Besura could not sing and/or dance around trees and he hired someone from Abhivyakti who sung and danced around trees with his girl on his behalf to express his love for his girl. After that incident Mr. Besura has never seen his girl".

Absent from the scene would be Mr. Besura since he, perhaps, is not capable of expressing dejection either.

Moral of the story:

With riding waves and running thru deserts
Restless so, no one place itself it asserts
So astray could be the thoughts of mind
Begun at home, them in a strange land you find

Seduced by the sound of silence

Seduced by the sound of silence
Dream that I woke up within
Amidst the snow clad sentinels and
Over the blue sky's reflection, floating

Sun light bouncing off the waves
Seemed a sheet of jewels weaving
Dream this was not, as silence of the
Pebbled shore the waves were breaking

Sliding away from the shore and
Consumed by the serenity
Nature I lost myself into, like
A moment lost into eternity

Tranquilized by that sedating
Shade of blue waters
Buoyant I felt with the joy, like
Those gliding eye floaters

Sweeter grew the melody of silence
As the bells nature rung,
With the sound of those two gorges
Like the chimes of a jaltarang

Dissolved in that divine ambiance
Like the fragrance in the air
Caught by waving self reflection
I discovered my 'lost' self

Abuse of 'lol's

The memories of those old days have become somewhat of a souvenir when I had to work hard and only worthy and witty humorous lines of mine will get, in response, 'lol'. And it felt good to receive a 'lol' for it boosted your self esteem and rewarded the efforts you put in or the talent you got to come up with those really funny lines. But that seems to be in the history as much as the french revolution or the civil war, for 'lol's are everywhere now. Market has been influxed with such large quantities of 'lol's that it has become a commodity that has lost its classical value.

The world of social networking and abbreviations has deteriorated its traditional value. So much commonplace it has become that even the lines as simple and perhaps as lame as 'I am working on a Sunday', 'Can't wait for the weekend' or 'Palin is stupid' (no personal judgment on that one) receives a response of 'lol'. Lots Of Laughter. Seriously what makes it so reward worthy. At best I can conceive a response of ':)' or 'hehe' but what is there to throw such a huge quantities of laughter, lots of laughter, lol. Infact 'lol's have flooded the market so much that one can be seen dispensing 'lol's to one's own remarks, the remarks at which no one else will lol. Stop 'lol'ing yourself. Call me old, but for a man who hails from the era when 'lol' was a self esteem booster, it is excruciating, at the least, to see his facebook or twitter news feed pages inundated either with 'lol's in response to some not-so-funny remarks or with self-lol-ing.

The world inflated with 'lol's has become so depressing that my humor has lost its self esteem and is drinking in some deep dark corner of those shaddy alleys. As if it itself has become the object of 'lol's and humiliation by those lame-humor bystanders.

An Agnostic's Ruminations

Lost amidst the labyrinth of men woven concrete web
Nature's glimpse I seek.. from the window of my nest

Reminiscing the sheet of twilight over green meadows
And grazing cows with singing cuckoo's melodious echoes,
Nostalgic I feel of fluttering leaves and oak trees,
Of the moon's reflection in serene lake's cool breeze

Leaping away from the maze of flashing lights and noisy cars
Sight, my eyes behold, of darkest sky with brightest stars
Twinkle, they, like blinking eyes of the guardian angels
As if illuminating the trails forgotten by the lost vessels

Older grows the night with rising of the crimson sun
Spreading the wings of splendid colors over the horizon
Enthralled under the spell, I was, of a seducing beauty
Like those mesmerizing veiled eyes holding me in captivity

Enchanted I drive to behold diligent nature's epic sculpture
Of perennial history written in grand canyon's scripture
Gazing into its abyss I wonder if in depths lies the answer
Or behind that sunset cloud the sun is hiding under

Fringing rays like eyelashes on the eyelid resembling clouds
Is it god's watchful eye or the agnostic in me still doubts?

Delusional Vampires

The species and the disease:

Generally found in places like supermarkets, coffee shops, school etc. these diseased homo sapiens are much like vampires where the growth is spread via infection. The diseased live under the grandiose imagination, although entirely contrived, of an eternal heaven they are heading to. The disease is spread by motivating the diseased to infect other normal homo sapiens. They are told of this heavenly regime where different levels, a hierarchy, of grandiosity exist. The level of the grandiosity of the heaven, the diseased will be living in, is conditional not only to the number of homo sapiens the diseased directly infects but also to the number of infected homo sapiens whose lineage of infection traces back to the diseased in question. This forms the part of a classical motivational argument made by the diseased in order to lure the normal homo sapiens to "volunteer" for getting infected. The argument goes somewhat like this: Once you reach a certain level in the hierarchy (pyramid) of grandiosity you dont have to hunt anymore to spread the disease since the diseased homo sapiens you have directly or indirectly (via lineage) infected will be trying to hunt and infect in order to move up in the hierarchy which automatically will account for you via the hierarchical structure of the disease. The result infact, in the real world, turns out to be a strategy of "How to alienate people and loose friends".

Although the patient zero of this infectious disease has not yet been found for further diagnosis, the nature of the disease and the way it is spread compels us to believe in the existence of some kind of anti social virus which blurs the diseased's vision of the real world and strips him/her off of his/her friends and social capabilities.

The diseased are called delusional vampires since, much like vampires, they survive by infecting other homo sapiens and delusional because they think hunting and infecting is easy just because they have been duped and infected so easily (Not to mention the delusional grandiosity of the heaven they think they will be living in, seriously what the heck?).

The game of hunting: The predators and the preys

Unlike "mythological" vampires, these, rather real, delusional vampires are immune to light and dark. Most common hunting ground for these predators are supermarkets, coffee shops, schools. Although the accounts of the preys that successfully evaded these predators from infecting them show that the hunting grounds as absurd as street crossings or sidewalks (footpaths) have been used. Being the master of disguise these predators are hard to spot based solely on their appearance, although some naive and amateur predators (freshly infected ones mostly) dress up in suits when they go on hunting, making it easy to spot them without having to engage in a conversation. Fortunately, since most of these delusional vampires have not yet mastered the art of 'duping via conversing', it is easy to recognize the predators once they open their mouth.

Here is a scenario that can be used as a tip to recognize them: You are at a grocery store and a complete stranger smiles at you and/or walks up to you and says "Hi". This is generally the first sign and you should prepare yourself to run away unless the person who said "hi" to you is a hot chic and you think, and you seriously think, that this chic is in your range. Although the chances of a hot chic approaching you and saying "hi" to you, and honestly lets face it guys, is very small and nearly null. So at the end you should prepare yourself to run away anyway. Now, if you have made a mistake of replying to the "greeting" and have not yet recognized the predator here are some of the follow up lines used by them. "Are you Indian?" (This one is really lame although most of them are), "I have seen you somewhere". The advice at this point is to run away like a roadrunner. The aforementioned hunting strategy is generally used by most of the delusional vampire predators. Although in some cases when a more expert, disguising and, in an unlikely scenario, an attractive predator approaches you, it usually becomes hard to recognize a potential delusional vampire even for the most expert and experienced potential preys. What makes it difficult is their art of blending in with the conversation. For example if you are looking for some item at a supermarket, perhaps in a medicine section, then an expert predator perhaps will open up with a sympathetic line like "oh you are sick?". And there you have fallen for it. Fortunately it doesn't take too long for these predators to reveal themselves. Within the exchange of four or five lines the predators will deliver their ultimate blow. And this will be your last chance and if you don't dodge this blow you will be infected and become one of them. This ultimate blow will go something like this: "Are you interested in making money while studying?" or "Are you interested in business opportunities?". This is your sign and if you believe that life is beautiful and you don't wanna ruin it, RUN. Run for your life. Only the most gullible and perhaps the lonely homo sapiens will fall for it and those are the kind of homo sapiens these vampires prey on.

Now if running away seems too extreme and having recognized a delusional vampire you want to make a swift exist and be nice then you can use "I gotta go, I am late for something" or a classical graduate school homo sapiens exit line "I have a lot of assignments to take care of". On the other hand if you have been a victim of such hunting attempts for too many times and s**t tired then you can exit with a rude blow that will freeze their balls: "I know who you are, a delusional vampire, seriously whats wrong with you, go get a life" (Sorry for the profane language).

Lastly, if you have been infected and your other normal homo sapiens friends have made you realize of the infection then the quickest way out of it is to block all kind of communications with your predator.


The Cure:

Luckily the disease is cured naturally as time passes by and as the illusion of the grandiose heaven becomes more and more vague and eventually disappears like fog. At this point of time the diseased realizes the mistake they have made and slowly get out of it. It may turn out of to be hard for them to adjust into the circumstances they have left far behind but good rehab centers (which unfortunately don't exist as of now) can quicken the process.

Cactus and Moon

From the horizons of the oceans to the dunes
Cactus and clouds await to entwine in monsoon
But must they endure the scorching summers
As nature tests the faith of these lovers

While the veil of night dawns over the ocean
And relentless darkness fills cactus with dejection
Appears the radiant moon in full bright circle
Gleaming with hope and amorous sparkle

Burning with jealousy cactus tells the moon
How blessed thou are to have this boon
Nightly tryst in beloved's arms is a lover's right
Then why must I wait for eternity in this plight

This ephemeral tryst, says moon, is a one night's bliss
As I slowly fade away from my earth into a dark abyss
Forgetful I become of agony awaiting for this tryst
As universe honors love of those who endure and persist

While I gaze at stars laying down on the shore
And grieve what pitiless destiny has brought to the fore
The echoes of moon's verse rings inside me
Bringing the faith in future of hope and glee

Land of Dreams

I close my eyes to escape this world for a while
To a land of dreams where I look for your lost smile

As I dream of walking past the pier
And melody of ocean fills my ears
I see you strolling on the shore
As behind the clouds moon peers

In that moonlight your face gleams
As your hair heave with the ocean's breeze
And as you turn around and look at me
I gaze in your eyes wishing time would freeze

......While I reminisce of you walking down the aisle
From the edge of your lips appears that lost smile

If you are here

I was a fool to think it will all be alright
The light at the end of the tunnel I thought was still bright

And as I quested to look for what was gone
I found myself alone in the desert forlorn

The spring that nurtured and blossomed our passion
was followed by arid winter to dry us off of our adoration

The air is dry and scentless without your presence
and yet sometimes this breeze brings me your ethereal essence

Like that breeze you are long gone... leaving me here
And still the memories of your smell wonders me if you are here.